Who would have thought that an ordinary BIC Cristal stick pen could inspire such brilliance — or at least a pretty good go at wit? Not us, until we discovered the avalanche of funny pen reviews that have been stacking up on Amazon for years.
It all started back in 2007 with an overly earnest review by Matt Williams of Essex, England. He gave the humble BIC Cristal four stars, noting that it is “very good if you need to write on paper.”
That was all it took for the internet’s sense of humor to kick in. After being picked up by sites like GeekNews and Boing Boing, the review section became a goldmine of sarcasm, satire, and creativity.
We’ve sorted through the best of these user-submitted pen reviews and updated our favorites for your reading pleasure. Ready for a laugh?
So, Why Do Brits Call It a “Biro”?
Before we dive into the hilarity, ever wondered why Brits call any ballpoint pen a “biro”? It’s not just charming British eccentricity — it goes back to László Bíró, the inventor of the ballpoint pen. Want to impress your friends at the next pub quiz? Read more about it here.
The Top 10 Funniest BIC Cristal Reviews
“I have noticed that what this pen writes in my diary are the exact same thoughts that I have in my mind. Can this pen be reading my thoughts? I mean, is this at all possible?”
— O.B. Vious
“I bought this in all good faith as someone told me that this pen would be mightier than a sword. Well, after spending half an hour toying with it, I have realized that they obviously have never encountered automatic weapons.”
— loubylou
“The listing states that this pen has a 2km write-out length. Having tested this, I can confirm that the pen I received actually performed for a little over 2km, at 2.173km. However… I found the pen to be a poor performer when trying to write on concrete, tarmac, or grass.”
— Rustic Bob
“I’ve been in and out of prison most of my life and I specialize in the fine art of prison tattooing… But for the sheer consistency of color, permeability, and aesthetic character, I use only BIC Cristal Ballpoint Pens.”
— Pete Strohs
“The BIC is all well and good for analogue writing, but I’m holding out for the iPen. This will be superior because it’ll cost more than the BIC and be more stylish.”
— Mark Gaywood
“Whilst this may cost more than a piece of pointy charcoal, I think the extra cost is justified.”
— Chief Wiggum
“Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand, my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile…”
— Disappointed User
“While this pen is functional and easy to use, a downside is it only supports one default font… resembling Comic Sans.”
— Knives
“While this is a perfectly good pen, I would definitely recommend that you choose the ‘Multi-user’ license option…”
— Kyle Mcready
“Which vrsion of Word does this pen hav? It makz the mst dredful spelln mistax!! It duzn’t evn hav spelchek!!”
— Anonymous
Grab Your BIC Cristal Pens on Amazon
If these funny BIC Cristal reviews have piqued your interest, Amazon’s got you covered. You’ll find deals on all sorts of BIC pens — from the dependable originals in black and blue to vibrant colors like lime green, purple, and pink.
Need precision? Try the BIC Cristal Exact for a finer line. Prefer bold lines? The BIC Cristal Fun offers just that — with colors that pop and write like a dream.
There’s a huge range and great multipack deals, perfect whether you’re stocking up for school, work, or just because you keep losing them.
And hey — leave your own review! Seriously, once you’ve put your BIC to the test, jump back on Amazon and leave a review. Whether it’s a poetic ode to its glide or a sarcastic jab at its lack of Bluetooth, your review might just end up in a future roundup like this one. Bonus points for humor!
i just came from there and ya, only now did i realize people were trolling
indeed very funny